A few days ago, I had these weird thoughts running through my head. Then I started asking myself this odd question — what if life was just about sleep, wake, eat, and sleep again?
I guess your answer might be that there’d be less to worry about. More happiness, more fun, and less competition. Right?
But the fact is, it would have been boring. Because humans are among the most multi-dimensional creatures on earth.
Most humans like variety, and according to some theories in Economics, human wants are insatiable. This implies that as we achieve one thing, the hunger for the next appears from the sky.
But were humans born with the idea of success in their minds?
Humans are wired to want and get different things to make themselves comfortable. Hence, humans are born with the idea of success wired around their brains.
Take, for example, a little child who only needs breast milk to survive — they get worried when the milk isn’t available. The idea of success is the reason why most children at that age stop crying once they get breast milk in their mouth.
Success is a natural thing. But the challenge is that most humans were never taught how to define and manage success while growing up. So, they turn into adults living life with the same concept they had when they were kids.
It’s funny, right? But it’s reality.
So, what then is really the definition of success?
The simple definition is that success is defined by you. Success is what you’re looking forward to achieving in order to get something else.
For example, you’re looking to graduate so you can get a job. You’re looking forward to getting married so you can have a baby or find companionship. You want to slim down and lose weight so you can show off your body or enjoy better health. You’re looking to become the next president so you can push your agendas and interests. You want more followers to share your ideas or products with more people. You want to start your own business so you can wake up every day and work on what you really like.
You can add more to the list.
Let’s put it simply: success is the “A” you’re looking for to have “B”. It should be something you define — not what society defines for you.
Why do most people lose their minds when they can’t reach success?
Most people lose their minds when they can’t reach success because they don’t know how to manage the idea behind it.
I get the feeling — it comes naturally, like a child in need of breast milk. But the difference between you and a child is that you’ve got to learn how to manage it.
One of the biggest challenges is that many people pursue what society defined for them as success, yet they lack the ability to manage the gap between what they want and the time it takes to get it.
I like the way Anne Sweeney, former President of Disney, said it:
Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.
Anne’s view aligns with what I want you to understand.
There are lots of people out there fighting too hard to meet external titles and validation — yet they’re not happy from within.
When you define success on your own terms, you’ll be in a better position to manage it when it hasn’t yet arrived.
So, when success feels unreachable, what will you do?
- Remember that success is not a dead end. Being alive is the ultimate. Life brings hope, and hope brings confidence, and confidence brings results.
- Define your own internal success by identifying what really matters to you — not what society has labelled as success, but the little things that matter, like peace of mind, family, wellbeing, etc.
- Light up the candle of gratitude. I once said in a social media post: Gratitude does not perform the magic of giving you what you don’t have; it performs the magic of reducing the pain you feel for what you don’t have, while helping you recognise what you already do have.
I believe most people you see as successful today once felt that success was far away — but you may not know until they tell you their story.
The beauty of personal development is that it opens your mind to see beyond the surface of the challenges life brings.
Finally, when you’ve exhausted your options on what to do when success feels far, redirect or refocus your energy. It’s always better to take a break than to be broken.
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