If you have been following me on my social media platforms, you will notice that since the 18th of this month 2025, I have consistently talked about staying unbothered. Not because I didn’t know about it before, but because I felt the urge to share the things I was inspired to share.
In my previous blog about what “unbothered” really means, I wrote about two specific philosophical spectrums, Epictetus (Stoic) and Epicurus. From my findings, I believe they provide the basic foundations to understand what being unbothered truly means. So, in this blog, I’ll be sharing 8 underrated ways to stay unbothered on this planet earth that is filled with so many scary things that could force one to stay bothered 24/7.
1. Count your words
There is this saying that a word is enough for the wise. To maintain your peace, you need to oftentimes assume that people are wise enough to make decisions for themselves. Not every situation requires advice and not every matter requires your opinion. One of my school teachers some years ago once said there was a man who didn’t like giving advice, and when she asked his reasons, the man said most people don’t take it, so he reserved it for himself. Sounds funny, but there’s a lot of wisdom there.
I’ve said it before in one of my social media posts that silence is not weakness, and that’s true. So you’ve got to learn how to stop over-explaining yourself to people who are passionately misunderstanding you. One way to help count your words and stay unbothered is to imagine they are equal to, say, 10 dollars or more, and you don’t want to waste them unnecessarily.
2. Make more use of your ears and eyes than your mouth
It was Epictetus who said humans were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Part of the reason is so that we can listen twice as much as we talk. Similarly, your eyes are two, so you can see clearly and observe before jumping to conclusions.
Most people find it difficult to listen, and even when they try, they aren’t listening to understand but to reply. The truth is, people may hold you responsible or twist what you said, but they can’t twist what you listened to. So you save yourself plenty of drama by listening carefully to people. Communicating carefully helps to reduce stress, but good communication comes from good understanding, and good understanding comes from good listening.
3. Let go of things you can’t control
Imagine that you are on earth, and the things you can’t control, such as other people’s opinions, death, the future, and other unknown events, are up in the sky. So you don’t have total control over them. When you have that in your head, it’s easier to let go of people who say you are “x” when you know you are not.
Most people are overwhelmed by what others think about them that they start to modify themselves until they lose their true self. To stay unbothered, you need to differentiate between what you can control and what you cannot. Staying unbothered does not mean you don’t care; it means you are very selective about what you care about.
4. Expect less from people
I often tell people that expectation is the mother of disappointment and depression. Some people expect too much from others, especially people they just met, more than they even expect from themselves. Expectation releases a specific kind of chemical in your brain that makes you concerned about people you expect too much from. So when they deviate from what you expect, it gets on your nerves.
To stay unbothered, expect less from people and more from yourself. Personal growth and development happen when you expect less from others and allow them to behave or handle things in their own way sometimes. Stay unbothered by knowing that things don’t always have to go your way, be open-minded and stay glued to yourself.
5. Ask yourself daily- what are you grateful for?
Each time you remember what you are grateful for, it gives you joy and hope to stay alive. I said in one of my Instagram videos that gratitude does not do the magic of giving you what you don’t have, but it does the magic of relieving you from the pain of what you don’t have, and shifting your focus to what you do have.
Practising gratitude and mindfulness helps you appreciate the gift of the present and avoid the fear and anxiety of the past and the future.
6. Make room for your authentic self
When you’re comfortable being yourself, you make room for peace of mind because it helps you filter people who aren’t meant to be around you. To reduce drama and stay unbothered, stay true to authenticity. Embrace your weaknesses and appreciate your strengths.
Being your true self helps you stop being a people pleaser and only do what aligns with your values. Be unbothered with people who don’t like your kind of person, because they have actually done you a favour by making it easy for you to focus your energy on people who know your worth.
I once said, you are not everyone’s cup of tea. When you meet people who value your tea, they will drink from it and even ask for more. So it’s high time you became comfortable being different.
7. Accept simplicity as a way of life
Most people end up in jail or the grave today because of peer pressure and societal pressure. There was a time I went to a boutique with a cousin to buy some clothes. He was really on me to buy a very flashy one. For him, it looked noticeable, like a “rich guy,” but I said no. I told him the idea is not to look rich but to be quietly rich.
He stared at me for a while and we continued our shopping. Later, I realised that’s part of the unbothered mindset. Sometimes trends bring unnecessary attention that drains our energy. Being unbothered makes you care less about trends and selectively keep life simple, following what aligns with you.
Simplicity is not poverty; it’s avoiding unnecessary complexity and embracing clarity and inner fulfilment.
8. Don’t negatively compare yourself with others
It cannot be overemphasised that nothing good comes from negative comparison, which is why there’s a popular saying that “comparison is the thief of joy.”
Let me share a personal story that might help you understand how negative comparison works. About a year ago, there was a guy I often met at the gym. I used to admire how he lifted weights, and his body was bulky. You could see his big chest and muscles popping; it was obvious he was a gym rat.
Unintentionally, my mind started to whisper, “He’s better than you… He lifts heavier weights… He has more strength… What are you doing here?”
But I overcame that voice by becoming his acquaintance. I approached him and had a good chat. That was how I discovered he had been in the gym for years, while I hadn’t even done it for two years. But negative comparison blinded me from asking why I was comparing myself with someone who had been there more than ten years before me.
One evening, as I was heading home after the gym, I met him coming in. I asked why he hadn’t been showing up. He said he had been ill and that he is a sickle cell patient. In my mind, I screamed, sickle cell? That’s when I realised he was also battling health issues.
The truth is, sometimes the people you negatively compare yourself with, the ones stealing your joy and making you feel small, are even wishing to be like you or to have what you have.
Being unbothered requires that you focus on yourself and stop bothering about what others have that you don’t.
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